Can we just talk about the work I put in in 2020?
Honestly, last year I became very discouraged while working on Infiniti Crafting Co. There were a lot of charades uncovered and false promises made that had me ready to flip a table and QUIT. I really had to reflect back on what got me started 5 years ago and why I was working so hard. I decided about mid-year that it was time to shift gears so that my work became more advantageous for me.
I stopped engaging on my personal social media and I cut off a lot of people who really weren't for me. This was my first step. I remembered the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results each time. On a daily, I was either working ridiculously hard for a company that didn't care one iota about me or my well being, as 2020 proved to me. I was always the popular introvert and there was a multitude of peers who flocked around me for moral support or entertainment. I soon realized last year that even the relatively small circle of comrades I'd made were particularly flaky or engaged is grievous double standards that were particularly subtle. These small but important things were beyond me because of the emotional turmoil I'd encountered in late 2019.
I had a lot of people who would smile in my face and talk a good talk about supporting me in my business endeavors but, in retrospect, they were only humoring me. When it mattered most, they were nowhere to be found. Even people who I mutually supported and promoted forsook me when I truly began my launch. Yes, yes, even the "support black business" crowd turned a blind eye to what I was doing. Though I'd always believed that these words were just a virtual pat on the backside, it became more real for me last summer.
The job that'd I'd come to love, that pulled me out of my dysfunctional introversion honestly did me kinda dirty last year and I may touch on it some in a future podcast. I can say that from THAT experience, I determined that I never wanted to work in an office setting again. I'd been with them for going on 4 years, had an excellent record, and an awesome rapport with everyone. Though it was beginning to drain me, I loved what I did. However, like many others in 2020, I found myself scrambling quite a bit from the lack of income. My failure on Etsy was not helping my case either.
I'll be honest and say that the whole thing depressed me. I spiraled into a sense of solitude and I abruptly began to isolate as I normally do in these moments. I slowly stopped sharing my goals, ideas, aspirations, humor, and accomplishments with people and I simply put all of that energy into my brand. As I shifted away from all of that negativity, my prayer and spiritual life became greater and I stopped feeling so unworthy of the vision my God gave me so long ago. I repented for past things that were inhibiting me from moving forward and I began to truly make moves in silence. In the 11th hour, things started pulling together for me more than ever.
At the beginning of this year, this same employer called me back which was interesting given the long span of months that I hadn't heard from them. I was genuinely excited about the opportunity but, there was also a small portion of me that dreaded the prospect. I prayed on it and submitted my application, leaving it to the Lord. I remember thinking that if this opportunity was for me then I'd deal with it and if it wasn't meant to be, no harm would be done. I cannot say just how much I rejoiced when the opportunity fell through. I think I did a little dance. In the time since then, I've been even more convinced that I should focus on my business and not look back.
The funny thing is that there are many of these peers that follow my social media but don't actually watch what I do. No one really knows or cares why I disappeared so suddenly and that is fine. Let me be clear, I'm not writing about this from spite, I'm actually grateful for the much needed reality check. Though I'm not always articulate when it comes to expressing my feelings. I am truly grateful for the community that the Lord has helped me build over the last 3 years and the outstanding support. I'm also very grateful to the people that I do personally know who have supported me over the years. In combination, these things helped me to charge forward.
This is the year that I've begun to make sense of the journey I've been on and begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In February, I was able to launch this wonderful website of mine that had been nearly 3 years in the making. I've been pattern writing like a maniac and none of it every felt like "work". That was a key part of Infiniti Crafting's inception. I wanted to LOVE what I do so that I can say proudly that I've never worked a day in my life.
In the spring, I began taking classes for accounting which I've come to love as I figured I would! I'm not giving up on art education though. How could I?
I'll be talking about my revelations a lot more in 2021 but, the moral of my story here is to not cave on your ambitions. The good things in life are usually attainable along a road with much resistance but, weather the storm and remain certain in what you wish to achieve. Regardless to who remains in your corner, if you have a word from God about the vision for your life, stick to it.
I can't wait to see what the latter half of 2021 will bring! Stay tuned and sign up for Infiniti Crafting Co.'s newsletter to stay up to date on new developments.